Resiliency: What it is?
“Keeping it all togethe.r”
When people hear the word resiliency, they usually think of someone who overcomes massive tragedy or bounces back from something horrific. Think of the movie The Pursuit of Happiness where Will Smith plays the main character, who overcomes so much hardship and finds a way to create a better life for his son or Good Will Hunting, where a janitor at MIT faces himself and overcomes his trauma to create a better life for himself. These movies contain so many moments that are dramatic and inspiring. And that is resiliency.
But it’s not the full picture.
Resiliency is a person’s ability to endure hard things, move through them, and still return to some kind of steady ground—or, even better, thrive in ways they never imagined. But resiliency is two-fold. It’s not just about overcoming childhood trauma, tragedy, or mental illness. It’s also about developing the skills to bend without breaking—to stay flexible and adapt no matter what life throws at you. And that’s something we all need. Everyday resiliency skills are for everyone.
Resiliency: Where Does It Come From?
Our understanding of resiliency has grown right alongside our evolving understanding of mental health. As a society, we now grasp the impact of war, poverty, abuse, natural disasters, and the sudden death of a loved one. Resiliency is deeply connected to how we cope—with both the immediate and lingering effects of events that shake us.
Research shows that early life conditions can increase—or decrease—our chances of being resilient. In other words, if you grew up in an environment filled with trauma, neglect, or chronic stress, it may be harder for you to bounce back from difficulties later in life. And that plays out in different ways.
A parent who pushes a child (even with good intentions) to be the best of the best might accidentally teach perfectionism. A family with the motto “What happens in the family stays in the family” might make it harder for someone to seek help later on.
But here’s the good news: it’s not fixed. We can learn coping skills at any time. We can receive what we need now to improve our ability to handle stress, make changes, and build resilience. Even people who came from stable, “normal” households can still be deeply affected by tragedy and may need to develop new tools to cope and grow.
Everyday Resiliency Skills Include (But are not limited to):
Becoming honest about what's really not working
Asking for help
Radical self-care
Having hard conversations and build genuine connections
Identifying what they enjoy about life
Tackling self-sabotage
Taking a good look at yourself
Making mistakes and trying new things
Discovering your values and living by them
Facing difficult emotions and thoughts
Why is Resiliency Important?
Because we all experience overwhelm. We all face adversity. And we all need problem-solving skills to move through challenges. Every single one of us is called to grow in some way in this human experience.
For individuals:
Resiliency helps people figure out what they need most in order to adapt and live the life they want. When someone develops skills like flexibility, emotional intelligence, and self-awareness, they often feel more content, satisfied, and connected. That sense of belonging and community? That’s part of resiliency too.
For couples and families:
Resiliency is what supports you when the very human dynamics of relationships go off course. That’s normal! Every couple and family needs skills for communication, conflict resolution, and repair (fun side note: this is honestly one of the most helpful things you can learn to do. It not about how much you fight but about what your repair looks like). These tools help people grow together, thrive, and keep investing in the values and goals that matter most to them.
For business owners and entrepreneurs:
Resiliency isn’t just personal—it’s professional. It benefits both the business and the business owner. I’m especially passionate about supporting the resilience of entrepreneurs, who constantly juggle their business’s needs, their own personal needs, the unknowns, the goals, and the strategy. Resiliency skills like work-life balance, burnout prevention, strong leadership, and team building can empower entrepreneurs to show up in ways that feel both possible and productive.
In summary:
Understanding resiliency—and practicing everyday resiliency skills—gives you the flexibility to meet life’s stressors, challenges, conversations, and even your own thoughts and emotions in a more adaptive and successful way. And in this context, success means more ease, less stress.
Everyday resilience is about creating space to learn about yourself, understand your emotions, and build a life that reflects your truest goals.
