What is therapy? A beginner’s guide to getting started?
In today’s world, almost everyone has heard of therapy. It’s mentioned in movies and TV, music and influencers, sometimes in a serious way or a playful or mocking skit. For just as many people who have tried therapy or believe in it, there are a lot of people who never have even if they are curious. It can feel weird or vulnerable going to talk to a stranger even if they know it could be helpful and sometimes people aren’t sure if it will be. If you’re reading this, you must be curious enough and good for you for doing your own research. The purpose of this article is to talk about what therapy is, what it isn’t and what you may want to consider if you are looking for a therapist.
What is therapy?
I promise you there are probably as many answers to this question as there are therapists but no matter how it’s worded, you’ll find similarities. I’d say the most common definition is that therapy is when you seek out a professional to help you solve a problem or overcome a challenge. I agree with this definition but keep in mind, “a problem” can be SO many things. Sometimes the problem is something specific that has gone wrong in your life (a break up, a death, a job change, wondering if you have a problem with drinking or even panic attacks) but so many other times, the “problem” is more of an unsettling feeling that the person doesn’t really understand. Perhaps you found a great partner or landed a great job; you’ve worked hard and done all the right things but you still aren’t happy in the way you thought you would be. Or you may intellectually know have had a rough childhood and you’ve heard of “working through it” but don’t know what that means. You may feel like they are just going through the motions of life and know there has to be a better way.
A problem isn’t always specific and in this way, therapy is a process. It’s way way to know yourself more. Have you heard of that expression, “You can’t see yourself when you are hanging in the frame?” Having a person who is outside of your story to listen to you and reflect back what you and they are noticing can be very helpful.
In a perfect world, this is what therapist offers:
An authentic listening ear that lets it be about you
Thoughtful questions that help you understand yourself and what you are wanting out of therapy.
Some kind of training that guides them in how they show up
Thoughtful interventions (this is a word for the actual tools they might give you depending on your situation)
My personal and favorite way of defining therapy:
It’s one way that we tend to our mental health and how we learn about taking care of our mental health. We go to a dentist do keep up with our dental health. We go to a doctor for a physical health and therapy is one way to take care of our mental health. What is our mental health? It’s how we feel about ourselves. It’s how our thoughts and feelings impact us. It’s our sense of well being and connection with ourselves and others. It’s related to our sense of purpose and how fulfilling our life is at the time.
What therapy and a therapist is not?
A therapy is not a one size fits all model. There are lots of different types of therapy (I talk about this below) and it’s important to find what feels right to you.
Therapy isn’t a quick fix. So, in my practice, I do try to help people feel a sense of hope rather quickly but the process of getting comfortable and shifting whatever is blocking you takes time, no matter if it’s more mental, emotional or changing a behavior.
Therapy isn’t necessarily a diagnosis. Sometimes it’s helpful (and needed) to have a name for what is happening such as understanding an anxiety disorder or OCD or what it means to have complex trauma or an disordered eating or ADHD. But in truth this isn’t always necessary or accurate. Sometimes we just need someone to listen. Sometimes our diagnosis is just that life is incredibly hard, we are wearing at least 5 different hats a day and our nervous system is in shambles.
Therapy isn’t advice or life planning: at least not in the way that you are going to get all of the answers from a therapist. Technically, therapists aren’t even supposed to give advise although plenty to do even in a well intentioned way. Therapy is supposed to guide you to answer your own callings, questions and curiosities even if we’d sometimes prefer for someone to tell us exactly what to do. I saw the instagram meme recently thate stated: when I was a kid, I hated when people told me to do but now that I’m an adult, I just wish someone would tell me exaclty what to do… So good.
Types of therapy?
There are lots of different types of therapy. Some therapists focus more on talking and encouraging you to notice your thoughts and beliefs, where they came from and how they affect you and maybe how to change them. Other therapists tend to go more toward emotions, feelings and what sensations you are noticing in your body. Some therapists use writing and journaling; some use visuals that might be useful. Therapists might provide specific intervention such as mindfulness tools or metaphors to help you notice a pattern in your behavior. There are therapists who have specialities in addiction, eating disorder, self-harm, or neurodivergence. Depending on your specific needs, you can look around for a therapist that might be right for you.
So, how does therapy work?
Therapy is typically broken into a few phases including:
Find the right therapist: You can do this by asking around, googling therapists in your area, getting a list of therapists from your insurance or a website such as psychology today where you can enter in your area and specific things you are looking for.
Initial phone call or email. The purpose of this is for you to decide if you want to meet with them for a full session. Here, you will also find out if they take insurance or what their fees are. Are they available at the times you need them? Do they have an office or are they in person?
Assessment/Early phase: This is considered the first couple of sessions and can look different depending on the therapists. Some therapists send out formal paperwork where you will fill out some questions ahead of time. Even if this is the case, the first session, therapists typically want to start to get to know who you are (where you are from, your family history, where you live now, what you do for work and fun. Who are you people and how do you feel on a daily basis. What’s going on well and what isn’t? How will you know therapy is working? A few things like I like to remind people here is: 1 Remember you are interviewing your therapist too. It’s okay to ask questions, to take your time. It is your right to feel safe. You don’t have to tell your therapist everything right away if it doesn’t feel right.
Ongoing treatment: So, this can look a lot of ways but basically this phase starts once you and your therapist feel like you have an established idea of what you are doing (remember sometimes that’s specific and sometimes that’s just exploring what feels off or not quite right). Therapy can look a lot of ways but what’s most important is that it feels right and useful to you. It’s true your therapist comes with some knowledge and can offer guidance but ultimately, it’s you that decides if the therapy is working and worth your time and investment.
In Summary:
Hopefully, this article has inspired you to think about your process of considering therapy for yourself whether you know exactly what you are looking for or something just doesn’t feel quite right. I truly believe there is a therapist out there for everyone for people who want to give it a try. Wishing you the very best of luck on your therapy seeking journey. Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions.
