How to create your own annual review (and not miss out on the gold)
As we wrap up the year, it’s typical to look back…
…both personally and professionally. We analyze, scrutinize, celebrate and process the events of the year behind us. For most people this is how we decide what we want to carry with us into the New Year and what goals we want to strive for. We relish in the positive memories and cringe or ignore the regrets. What stands out is different for everyone. Often subconsciously, we weigh out the year’s milestones to determine if we are “good enough”, “balanced enough,” or any other standard of “enough” based on a standard we have for ourselves.
We didn’t risk enough, didn’t work hard enough or make enough money or work out enough. Hanging out in these places of regret does not feel good so we move on in order to protect ourselves from our own self-criticism. We move to bright shiny resolutions: everything we plan on doing next year that will be 10 times more amazing and more effective. None of this is necessarily bad but it might be a missed opportunity. We might miss some of the gold.
This gold can be and certainly not limited to any of the following:
Identifying what drives us to follow through on decisions
Understanding what we need to grieve and let go of in order to move on
Learning how our specific needs and values are really impacting our goals.
Having compassion for things that are out of our control and knowing what to do with them.
It can help to have a blueprint (and guidance) for this annual review so that we can get the most of this self-assessment.
Part 1: Understanding needs and values (and why they matter).
Our personal values are the qualities and principles that guide our every day decisions and actions. Our needs are anything that we require in order to be healthy and function at our best. It might tempting to skip this step but trust me, understanding this will really help you lean
Step 1: Decide what values are the most important markers of your year. What qualities mean the most to you? Our values impact how we make decisions, choose relationships, take steps in our business or careers and even decide what we will do with our free time. These values may even change from year to year.
Here is a list of some common values to choose from: honesty, balance, family, community, adventure, ambition, stability/ security, health, making a difference, the earth/planet, human rights, creativity, beauty, authenticity, joy, calm, freedom, collaboration. *You can google personal values and find a ton of other examples. Try to limit yourself to a few. If friendship or ambition isn’t top on your list this year, this doesn’t have to mean you don’t have them at all, it just means something else is driving you this year.
Step 2: Understanding your personal needs will help you set out to embrace what you need to make things happen no matter if it’s an external goal (such as finishing a book) or an internal one (feeling more ease or joy). We all have basic needs such as water, food, shelter, a sense of belonging, self esteem and self worth. It can be helpful for you to personalize your list of needs beyond just your basic needs. This list describes what you need to function best and achieve your own self worth.
Examples of personal needs can look a lot of different ways and some include: a loving partner, lots of quiet time, physical exercise, variety (in business or pleasure), always having a good book, nights out dancing at least once a month, an animal you come home to, a certain amount in your savings account.
Best not to judge your values or needs. While we all may share some, these lists are deeply personal and define you as a person.
Part 2: Your Annual Review
Step 1: Get a blank piece of paper. There will be two lists: one for things that ACTUALLY happened (the successes, joys, mistakes, losses). Another list for things that DID NOT happen (wishes, regrets, dreams we had but couldn’t make happen). Let’s break this down here.
Step 2: The “WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED LIST”: the important events of the year. These may be accomplishments, tangible events, unexpected happenings, people who came into your life or things that left. As you go through your year, you may want to divide this into things that you chose and things that happened to you and were out of your control.
Go through your year from the beginning to the end, all 4 quarters or seasons. Just write down what actually happened. You will have a place to acknowledge what didn’t happen here in another step.
Step 3: Match each event with your values & needs. This step is important so don’t be tempted to skip it. Go through each step and ask yourself what need was being met here and what value guided this decision or happening. This doesn’t have to be perfect but is intended to help you learn about your values and needs up against the events in your life.
Our values and needs influence our thoughts, feelings, choices & perspectives. Understanding this will help us really grasp what happens when things don’t go our way.
Things that happen to us:
You may be wondering how needs and values apply to things that happen to us. Good questions. Here are some prompts to help you and remember, this is just intended to help you gain self awareness and if desired, make more conscious intentions for the coming year. Here we ask ourselves this questions. How was I able to meet my own needs during this occurence? How were my needs supporting me? During this time (that was very much out of my control) did I get to see any of my own values shine through?
Part 3: Wishes & Regrets
Step 1: Now, we write a list of what didn’t actually happen. It’s true, some people say it’s it’s pointless to dwell in the past or contemplate regrets but so often this list of “what ifs” and “if onlys” become our goals and daydreams so why not take the time to learn from them. THE GOLD.
These regrets typically stir up feeling & may keep you up at night. If only I had gone ahead and started that podcast? I wish I had saved more money. I wish I had introduced the service. I really regret not asking that person out. I regret not spending more time with my kids. If we don’t look at these wishes and regrets in a useful way they can often paralyze us and keep us stuck.
As a therapist for nearly 15 years, I find people don’t really need help with this list. Most people are very ready to share everything that went wrong but what don’t really know what to do with it.
We either dwell in the regret to the point of never taking a risk or enjoying moments or we move on so quickly we don’t take time to learn from our wishes and regrets. I could probably write a whole blog on this and maybe I will :) but here are the cliff notes.
Sometimes there genuinely wasn’t anything you could do to stop an occurence (such as the hundreds of businesses impacted by Hurricane Helene that hit my small town this fall), the only solution is to feel your feelings of grief, accept that it is over, and find a way to move on.
Most of the time, regrets aren’t black and white. When you ask yourself if you could do something differently, often the answer is yes AND no. You may be able to do something different NOW but this really is only because of who you ARE now.
The trick is to recognize that you learned something and you would do something different based on what you now know. #selfcompassion #selfimprovement
So, how do we get the most out of our regrets and wishes?
Step 3: Go through each regreat and ask yourself what values that you may not have been listening to. For example, if you didn’t launch a new business idea, were you ignoring your own value of authenticity, courage or ambition. If you delayed raising your prices, were you ignoring your value for security or self worth. Don’t get hung up here, just see what pops up.
Often our regrets are because we placed value on something that is NOT one of our primary values. Why do we do this? Two reasons. Either fear is running the show or we are putting our energy into values that aren’t our own but someone else’s (a boss, society or a family member).
Step 3: Identify the missing needs from your wishes and regrets. The trick here is that sometimes we are both filling a need and ignoring a need by NOT doing something. For example, when I didn’t take the the leap and go out on my own professionally, the need I was filling was being financially secure in that moment but the missing need was my need for self worth and self confidence to do what I love most.
Both our values & needs are the key ingredients to understanding why we set out do one thing and end up doing another or avoid action all together. The sweet spot is to find ways to set goals that meet our needs and honor our values.
In summary:
Doing an annual review is something many people are drawn to do.
With guidance, an annual review can be a helpful way to understand and achieve our next set of goals.
Identify your values & needs so that you can see where you are living these out professionally and personally
Reviewing our wishes and regrets (things that didn’t happen) is key to figuring out what values and needs we aren’t meeting.
The sweet spot is to find ways to set goals that meet our needs and honor our values.
Part II of this blog will describe the steps for using this gold to set intentions or goals for the new year. Follow me on Instagram or sign up for my newsletter.
